Oh hi. The world is still burning. Black lives matter. Keep doing the work and getting uncomfortable fellow white people!
I honestly feel kind of dumb writing this post today, but when I started doing these monthly recaps, they became a sort of journal for me, and I actually like looking back and getting a little snapshot of what was happening each month. Obviously May and June 2020 are going to be months for the history books. Hopefully in a positive way. And I want to continue to have these posts for my own little history book, which is exactly as self-involved as it sounds. But yeah, let’s take a look at some highlights of the hellfire that way May.
On the goals front: I actually went back to review the goals I set for May and holy shit, I achieved them all! Granted, they were basic goals like read books and write blog posts and were set before everything exploded, but nonetheless, I’ll take this small win. Go me.
On the reading front: I read sixteen books in May and none of them were by Black authors so don’t be like me and let’s broaden our reading lists, yeah? I’ve ordered a crap ton of books in the past two weeks and will be making a more concerted effort to read books by Black authors, and you should too. Some of my old favorites include these guys:
On the writing front: So not to toot my own horn or anything, but I have been kicking ass in the writing department. Guys, writing a new book is so much fun! If it could just come from my mind and onto the page and never need revisions, this would be a dream. Alas, that is not the case. But I did make a lot of progress on my first draft, and that’s something to be celebrated.
On the movie front: I finished my Twilight recap series, but more importantly, I watched The Lovebirds which was hilarious, and I put together this list of movies by Black filmmakers that you can watch at home right now. So do that instead of rewatching bad teen movies.
On the self care front: LOL. I will say, the beginning of May was not so terrible. It seemed like Covid things were maybe starting to at least have some hope of leveling out. Not all felt lost and hopeless in the world for about five seconds. Then Memorial Day happened and dumbasses went back to life as usual and then we finally hit our limit with police brutality against Black people and started burning shit to the ground. And now Covid cases are on the rise but shit is still reopening and the officers who murdered Breonna Taylor in her sleep still haven’t been arrested. So yeah. What is this self care you speak of?
I have a feeling June’s recap is going to be even more interesting than May’s. Please don’t lose steam, friends. Keep fighting the good fight. Keep social distancing and staying home when you can and wearing a mask when you go out. The work has just begun!
I’m going to do my best to keep this post coherent, but I’ve had so many thoughts and feelings running through my brain lately, I’m having trouble keeping it all straight.
Watching the events happening around the US the past couple of weeks has been overwhelming. Emotional. Exhausting. Scary. Heartbreaking. I’ll just make this one thing real clear before I dive in: Police brutality, especially against the Black community, is out of control. This is no longer a one off situation (it never really was, and if it felt like that to you before, that’s a privilege) and the evidence is on video right in front of our faces. Taking that a step further, the cops KNOW they are being recorded and still continue to perpetrate violence, so imagine what has been happening off camera for YEARS.
Over the past couple of weeks, a lot of white people have posted in support of George Floyd. They’ve shown outrage against his death and cheered when the officers who killed him were arrested. I’ve seen many people claim this was the final straw and now is time to make a change. Brands and companies have flooded social media with their blackout posts. Many of us have had long overdue conversations with friends and family members who post and say ignorant and/or harmful things.
And it’s exhausting. I’ve cried a lot over the past couple of weeks. I’ve felt worn out and disheartened. It’s been a lot. And every time I feel like I’ve hit my limit, I remind myself this is how Black people feel all the time. Not just for the past couple of weeks. Not just when another Black person is killed by police. All the time. So I kind of need to shut the fuck up about feeling tired, yeah?
I’m sure many of us have pledged to change over the past couple of weeks. We’ve started hard conversations. We’ve ordered books. We’ve donated our money. Many of us have protested and marched. And that’s all well and good. It’s a great start. But the challenge is going to be keeping up that pace. It would be really easy to back off now. To scroll past that Facebook video. To dismiss that comment. To put the book back on the shelf without ever having opened the cover. It would certainly be easier to do that. It would be less uncomfortable.
But that is exactly why we need to keep going. It should feel uncomfortable. Dealing with the inherent racism ingrained in us by a society that undoubtedly puts white people first should not be easy. It’s not easy. Admitting you harbor racist thoughts is not easy. But if you can’t admit that, then you will never be able to change it.
Some background: I grew up (white, if you didn’t know) in a very white suburban city. So white and suburban that when they need a stereotypical white suburban neighborhood for film and TV, they film in my hometown. The town in Edward Scissorhands? Yeah, based on my hometown. My elementary school was overwhelmingly white and middle class. My junior high and high school were slightly more diverse, with a relatively large Latinx population, but the school itself was very segregated. My ancestors moved to California from Oklahoma. Before Oklahoma they lived in the South. Some of them were slaveowners. I can trace my ancestors back to the boat that landed on the coast of America second only to the Mayflower. I heard a lot of racist jokes and language from extended family throughout my childhood, under the guise of it’s just a joke or he’s old you can’t expect him to change.
And these little things became ingrained in me. I would have never thought of myself as a racist because I didn’t use the n-word or attack people of color or outwardly judge anyone based on their race. But racism is so much more than that, and it goes so much deeper.
The first four years I was a teacher, I worked in schools that were lower income and predominantly Latinx. And I don’t know that I would have ever realized how deeply ingrained the racism was in me if it weren’t for the experiences I had with my students. Because I 100% judged them on their race. And yes, it makes me feel like shit to admit that, but I have to admit it because I needed that realization to make a change. And I should feel like shit for making those judgments and possibly (probably) causing harm to my students because I never challenged the things I learned, and that was on me (and is on me). And it is still scary to make that admission, even to myself, and here I am putting it out on the internet that never forgets because I think this is that important. How can you overcome the racism in your brain if you can’t admit it’s there in the first place?
I will never forget one class discussion I had with my sophomores (aged 15-16). We were discussing the juvenile justice system and whether or not kids under the age of 18 should be tried as adults. I was making the point that most kids don’t know to ask for a lawyer or they think the cops are on their side so they talk willingly, and unknowingly incriminate themselves. I looked out at my class and said something along the lines of “We’re taught as kids that the police are who we go to for help and so many young kids trust the cops to have their best interest at heart.”
And the entire room looked at me like I was an alien from Mars. One student chimed in “That’s not what we were taught about cops.” And you could have knocked me over with a feather. I had a lot of eye-opening experiences during those four years, many coming at the hands of my students, and some coming from other teachers. I never once felt judged (and both fellow teachers and my students would have been well within their rights to check my privilege) because I did my best to remain open to learning.
So if you are sitting there reading this and feeling like it might be easier to just stay quiet and go back to the way things were (or take it even further and find ways to justify the actions being taken by police-don’t do this please), I urge you to stop. Get uncomfortable. Admit that you have a problem, and be open to learning. Ignorance is no longer a defense, and it is up to each of us to educate ourselves. The resources are out there, the information is out there if you are open to consuming it with an open mind. And your immediate reaction might be to jump to those deeply ingrained justifications (but he was a criminal! he should have just done what he was told!) but now is the time to challenge those justifications. GET UNCOMFORTABLE.
I have been working to unpack my privilege and retrain my brain for years and I am nowhere near being done. I don’t think I will ever be done. But I have the privilege of taking a break when I need one, something Black people don’t always get to do. So the least you can do is start the process, educate yourself, and sit in that uncomfortable place until the changes start. No one can just snap their fingers and unlearn years and years of ingrained lessons so you have to be willing to do the work. I am still doing the work. I am still uncomfortable a lot of the time. But ultimately, that’s a good thing.
If this is something you are struggling with and you need a sounding board or want resources, feel free to reach out. DM me or message me on any of my social media platforms and I’m happy to have the conversation.
No new movie review today. Instead, I’m reposting my original review for Just Mercy, which is now free to stream for the month of June. Here’s my unedited original review post:
I feel a rant coming on. Because after seeing this movie, I have no idea how Once Upon a Time in Fucking Hollywood is being lauded as a Best Picture with Best Acting nominees and Just Mercy is getting nothing. If it weren’t so upsetting, it would be laughable.
I was planning on starting my Pirates of the Caribbean movie rewatch post series this week, but I think today’s post can be better spent sharing some recent films by Black filmmakers. I’ve seen most of these, but I added a couple to my watch list that I will try to review in the coming weeks. I have always held the position that the easiest thing I can do as an ally is be a consumer of art created by people of color and I really try my hardest to put my money where my mouth is. Now I am working hard to learn more and do more, but I will always continue my support of the arts because that’s where my heart is. So if you’re at a loss, go watch these movies, then go donate (read this post for a list of links).
Men in Black: International (streaming via Starz): Directed by F. Gary Gray and starring Tessa Thompson, this is a fun and entertaining take on the original series. This is a good one to watch if you want a little brain break and want to watch something that will make you laugh.
Us (streaming via HBO): This is one of the movies on the list I haven’t seen because I can’t handle horror movies and this one looks creepy AF. Lupita Nyong’o by all accounts gives an award-worthy performance in the film by writer/director Jordan Peele.
Little (streaming via HBO): Marsai Martin stars alongside Regina Hall and Issa Rae is this comedy directed by Tina Gordon Chism. This is another great one to watch when you want something fun and entertaining. I laughed out loud multiples times.
Queen and Slim (available to rent via Amazon Video): Melina Matsoukas directed this movie starring Jodie Turner-Smith and Daniel Kaluuya. Not going to lie, this is not an easy one to watch, but I was left thinking about it even days after I watched it so that should tell you something.
Shaft (streaming via HBO): I’m bummed I didn’t get a chance to see this one in the theaters, but it’s on my watch list. The movie stars Samuel L. Jackson and was directed by Tim Story.
The Photograph (available to rent via Amazon Video): You know I love a love story, and this was one gorgeous from top to bottom. Stella Meghie directs Issa Rae and Lakeith Stanfield in this dual timeline romance. This is a good one if you need a happy ending.
Atlantics (streaming on Netflix): I discovered this one when I was looking up titles for this post and immediately added it to my watch list. Directed by Mati Diop, this is a supernatural political romance and that was all I needed to read to sell me on it. Mati is the first Black woman to have a film entered in the main competition at Cannes, so yeah, I will be watching this one ASAP.
Selah and the Spades (streaming on Amazon Prime): This is another one I came across while writing this post. Directed by Tayarisha Poe, this film centers on a boarding school and the elite clique of girls who runs it. The description is giving me Mean Girls so I’m here for it.
Just Mercy (available to rent via Amazon Video): Full disclosure: This movie was directed by Destin Daniel Cretton, who is not Black. However, I’m including it here because it tells the true story of Bryan Stevenson so beautifully, it was one of the most impactful films I have ever seen. Both Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Foxx give incredible performances, stock up on tissue before you start watching.
I’ve got a few movies from this list I’m planning on watching, and hopefully you will too. Did I miss any of your favorites? Let me know and I’ll add them to my list!
Look. I sat down last night to write some bullshit post about reality TV or cleaning products or whatever was on my checklist for the day. And I just couldn’t do it. Life has been tough for the past few months, but watching everything that has gone down this past week has been brutal. And I’m not here to complain because I don’t get to complain. I am here to say that as much as I proclaim allyship (and mean it from the bottom of my heart), I haven’t done enough. I’m not doing enough. And shit is scary right now and we’re in the middle of the pandemic and I’m sure a lot of us good intentioned souls are throwing our hands up like what can we do (note: please don’t ask your POC friends what you can do-it’s not their job to educate you). And I don’t have all the answers, I can tell you that much right now. But here are some good first steps:
Donate to the following organizations, whatever amount you can:
Educate yourself (I’ve ordered each of these books to read myself, these are affiliate links, and whatever I make from sales of these books from this site, I will donate to one of the above causes):
How are we hanging in there friends? Everyone doing okay? As quarantine stretches on and on with no real end in sight, hopefully we are all finding ways to cope. Honestly, we all just gotta do what we gotta do in order to survive! It hopefully goes without saying that my number one thing keeping my sanity is my husband. He’s a rockstar and taking on a lot of the childcare responsibilities and I would probably be dead without him. In addition to being an awesome dad, he also cooks and makes me eat my vegetables so I might just be the luckiest partner in the world. But I won’t spend this post bragging about my husband (wouldn’t want him to get a big head), instead these are some of the other things keeping me sane during quarantine.
Wine: Duh. The duhest of all duhs in the history of duhs. My wine consumption has definitely gone up during quarantine. Luckily, it was down pre-quarantine because of some heartburn issues, but now that we’re in lockdown, I’m loading up on the Tums and having at it.
Vintage Real Housewives: We’ve got some good seasons happening live, but it’s not enough for lockdown mode. I’ve been going back and watching Real Housewives of Atlanta and it has been saving me every night. I’ve watched sporadic episodes, but never a whole season continuously and these women are magic. I finished season nine and I’m about a quarter of the way through season ten and they’re keeping me sane.
Books: I’ve posted about this a couple of times and it’s for real, y’all. I’m escaping hardcore and reading (and buying) tons of books and I’m not mad about it.
Writing: I haven’t been writing what I “should” be writing, but I guess that’s the one good side of not having a book deal yet, I can write whatever I want! I’ve been working on a new fantasy romance manuscript and I am loving it. It’s been a lot of fun, and there’s no pressure, so I’m definitely finding some solace in my daily writing time.
I’m also taking a lot of comfort in baking and texting with friends, but I would be completely lost with my wine, Housewives, books, and writing. What’s helping you keep it together during these wild times?
I really, really miss going to the movies, y’all. Like I included it in my perfect first day of post quarantine life I miss it so bad. I also know it’s probably going to be a while before I get to see anything on the big screen and it sucks. But one thing that’s making it somewhat bearable is the release of some of the movies I was most looking forward to on streaming platforms. I’ve had The Lovebirds on my must see list ever since I saw the first trailer, so I was super stoked to see it available on Netflix, and boy did I need this movie. I haven’t laughed so hard in a really long time and it felt awesome.
