Monday Movie Review: The Old Guard
Look, I’m always going to be up for watching Charlize Theron kick some ass. It’s just a thing that will always be worth watching. So when Old Guard started getting some buzz on the interwebz, I was like yes please, I know what I’m watching this weekend. And not only is it top notch ass-kicking, it’s a legit good movie. And it was directed by a Black woman, Gina Prince-Bythewood, so there are so many reasons to watch.
Andy (Charlize Theron) is immortal. She’s approximately 6,000 years old and travels around with her fellow immortals Booker (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe (Marwan Kenzari), and Nicky (Luca Marinelli). They take on covert missions, ideally missions that will benefit those who are in trouble. And since they can’t be killed, they can put themselves in some pretty dangerous situations. The team heads out on a mission to save some kids in South Sudan, only to find their identities-and immortality-have been discovered. They head out to put an end to the man who found out their secret, but along the way the group gets a collective vision of a new member of their team. Nile (KiKi Layne) is in the US military, stationed in Afghanistan. Her throat is cut in the line of duty, but when she makes a miraculous recovery, the rest of her squad grows suspicious. Andy shows up just as Nile is about to be carted off to some kind of scary military place and fills her in on her new ability. Nile is reluctant, but she goes along with Andy to meet up with the guys. Turns out the gang’s informer has turned over video evidence of their immortality to a CEO of big pharma, and you can imagine how excited that asshole is to study everything he can about how to make people immortal. So big pharma kidnaps Joe and Nicky and the rest of the group must save them and also take down evil corrupt CEO. Some surprising stuff happens along the way that I won’t spoil for you, and the movie ends with the perfect set up for a sequel, which luckily, already appears to be in the works.
So this movie kicks a lot of ass. From beginning to end, the ass-kicking is top notch. And the fight choreography is stellar. There are a couple of truly fantastic scenes that I could watch multiple times because the movement was so brilliant. But, because I’m me, my favorite scene was when Joe and Nicky are handcuffed in the back of a van with a bunch of dumbass soldier type dudes who are teasing them about being “boyfriends” and Joe gives this whole speech about how the word boyfriend doesn’t even come close to describing his love for Nicky and it’s like one of the best love declarations I’ve ever seen and it was beautiful and perfect. On top of that, you’ve got plot twists, characters rich with history, and some stellar performances by the entire cast.
One of the things I miss most about being in lockdown is not being able to go to the movies, but this is one of the few instances in the past couple of months that I felt that same excitement as I usually do in the theater. Highly recommended to everyone!
Overall Grade: A
