Monday Movie Review: Breaking Dawn Part Two
Guys. What am I going to do with myself after this blog post? My entire reason for quarantine existence is coming to an end and there is no longer anything for me to look forward to. How am I going to survive without my weekly dose of KStew and RPattz? Just put me out of my misery now. But enough lamenting. It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The ultimate recap of Breaking Dawn Part Two. 2 Breaking 2 Dawn. There are a lot of wtf moments in this movie, but it is also home to probably the best scene in the entire series so it gets a lot of passes because it saved what could have been a supes tragic ending. Let’s get to it.
This is (I think) the only movie that has proper intro credits. Like we see all the actors and go through a whole lot of imagery of red stuff turning white. I don’t hate it. Also, Rami Malek and Lee Pace what the actual fuck are you doing in this movie? And even after five movies of this stuff, I really do enjoy Bella’s Lullaby. It’s a pretty piece of music and not going to lie, it gives me some feels.
This whole opening sequence with Bella waking up and then hunting for the first time is a good precursor for most of this movie. Rob and Kristen being adorbs and doing the best they can with the shit they’ve been given. Honestly, if it weren’t for Reneesme’s beyond creepy face, this whole first thirty minutes or so would be great. Edward’s reactions as Bella goes after Jacob for imprinting on her baby? Priceless. “You nicknamed my baby after the Loch Ness monster!” is one of the best quotes of the series. I still don’t understand why they couldn’t have just found a super cute baby, but that seems to be a question that will forever go unanswered.
One thing I really hate about this first part though is Jacob’s declaration that Bella not loving him finally makes sense because this whole time he was destined to fall in love with her baby. How about she didn’t choose you because she didn’t love you as much? Is that no longer an option? The only way your male ego can deal with that is by falling in love with an infant? Weird flex bro.
I am actually obsessed with Edward and Bella’s little mini house and is it real and available to rent because I would totally go spend a week there. Also, “It’s not intended for sleep” wink wink.
Billy Burke is a goddamn hero for his work in these movies.
One thing that really bothers me about Bella’s whole “journey” through these books is that she literally sacrifices nothing. No one dies, no one gets hurt or leaves. The one thing she thinks she’s going to have to give up-contact with her parents-they find a way to work out. Like something has to give for there to be real impact.
The CGI baby and the imprinting on the baby don’t get less creepy as the movie goes on. They almost get worse. Were there no sisters available to be cast in these Reneesme roles? Still not getting it.
As I’m sure you have heard by now, Stephenie Meyer announced the publication of Midnight Sun, which is Twilight told from Edward’s point of view. Here’s some other stories I would have loved to see instead of the same bad one we already have but slightly different: the Denali coven and their mother’s decision to make an immortal child; Kate and Garrett, a love story; Irina’s journey/decision to go to the Volturi; Jane’s story; Rami Malek’s character’s story (and how about his mate who doesn’t have a single word of dialogue in the movie). You’re welcome SM for all the ideas that aren’t ones you’ve already written.
Alright. Let’s really get into it. The rest of this movie is all just a lead up to quite possibly the best switcheroo in book to movie adaptation history. The ending of Breaking Dawn the book sucks. It’s terrible. It’s boring and anti-climactic and makes you wonder why the eff you just read four fucking books to have this be the payoff. But what the movie did with this ending is nothing short of brilliant. I still remember sitting in the theater on opening night (back in the day when you had to see new movies at 12:01 am) and watching Aro behead Carlisle and being like OH SHIT!!!!!!!!
I did not see that one coming. And even though the battle has some really truly terrible moments, in general, it is probably the best scene of the series, just for the shock factor.
And then to realize the whole thing was Alice’s vision and everyone is fine? *chef’s kiss* Perfection. It was a brilliant way to give us some sort of action packed ending while staying true to the totally unrealistic and idyllic ending SM set up in the books.I never saw it coming, and it still makes me smile when I watch it.
The rest of the ending is as cheesetastic as you would expect, but honestly, I’m not mad at it. “Should I start calling you dad?” is fantastic. I even kind of like the scene with Bella and Edward back in that stupid field. The writer in me really fell for the flipping through the book pages to see the word forever. It works. And “A Thousand Years” is the perfect song and such a brilliant choice. Did I tear up a little? Maybe.
I also totally love the end credits of this movie and I wish all series would do something like this. It’s cool to look back on all the people involved in a project this size, and whether you love the movies or hate the movies, a lot of people dedicated years of their lives to making them happen and I’m here for that acknowledgment.
Guuuuuyyys. I’m legit sad this has come to an end. These books are trash, the movies are trash, the writing is trash, but I love them anyway and I just can’t help it. Where do I go from here? Send suggestions.
