Monday Movie Review: The Lighthouse
Aaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhh! This is me screaming into the void that is the patriarchy. I went to see The Lighthouse last week, and my poor, poor husband was subjected to my fuck-filled rant when I got home, and now you are going to be subjected to it too. So buckle up bitches because I am not holding anything back today!
So The Lighthouse is about two guys (Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson) who are living/working in a lighthouse on an island some time far in the past. They are stuck there alone for weeks on end, and (shocker) they end up going crazy. SPOILER ALERT: They both end up dead because MEN ARE SO EMOTIONAL. That’s literally all that happens. There is only one other character in the movie, a mermaid (Valeriia Karaman) who never speaks and literally only exists for Pattinson to jerk off to.
Guys. This movie made me fucking stabby. It’s like Lord of the Flies meets Waiting for Godot in that nothing actually happens except for white men being allowed to act in ways that women and POC would never get away with, and this movie will be totally hyped for it’s “deep message” and “metaphoric brilliance”. The two (white, mid to late twenties) guys sitting next to me in the theater thought it was AMAZING. I wanted to throw up. It’s like watching white male privilege barf all over your movie screen for two hours. Can you imagine the reaction if a movie was made with only two female characters speaking the whole time? Can you? Would that movie get made? What about two Black men? Two any non-white non-male characters? That’s a big fat nope.
Coming off the heels of the most disturbing Twitter thread ever (a live tweeting of a panel discussion with the two (white, male) writers from Game of Thrones who basically said they had no idea what they were doing and used the experience as an expensive film school for themselves to learn how to write, which spoiler alert, they didn’t actually learn anything because season eight of GoT is terribly written, but that’s a whole other post), I walked out of that theater like THE AUDACITY. Not only should this movie not have ever been made, but knowing it’s already receiving award season buzz is sickening. It’s just a white male wankfest and I’m done.
And I can already hear the protests of “you just didn’t get it”. I fucking get it. I taught the (white, male) literature canon for eight years. I see the “message”, I get the “symbolism”. I’m just here to tell you that it’s all bullshit. When the only female character who exists in your film is there purely for the purpose of ya dude to jack off to, you are a misogynist and fuck your movie.
Now I’m angry all over again.Time to go read some romance with some smart,kickass women with purpose.
